


sakura.

by nightinjae



Series: Let Me Be Your Love [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 05:50:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14419032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightinjae/pseuds/nightinjae
Summary: jaehyun loved spring for a reason.





	sakura.

**Author's Note:**

> tw// really slight mention of blood.

Jaehyun was looking out through the glass of the coffee shop, latte long forgotten on the table. The cold droplets raced down the plastic cup and to the table, leaving a small puddle around it. And yet Jaehyun refused to look away.

Cherry blossoms. It was spring once again and the flowers that are slowly falling from the trees caught his attention, hand cupping the side of his face to support it as he dreamily stared. The coffee shop was positioned near Han River, where he can see the slight glimmer of the sunlight reflecting off the peaks of the calm waves. Kids ran around with huge smiles on their faces, some chasing each other around their parents, some flying kites, and some just eating as they sat peacefully on the blanket that was so prettily laid out by their parents.

Jaehyun loved the sight. He felt at peace, the cool air conditioning of the shop that contrasts the warm sunlight that seeps in through the glass and onto his skin. He loves spring. In fact, he loved all the seasons, but spring the most. Because it makes him feel like he went back in time, starting anew, years ago. When he was still here with Jaehyun.

\--

Jaehyun sits in his desk, doing nothing in particular. He grabs a book from the pile beside him, one of his favorites. He flips it open to a page he's seen over and over again. The words never fail to hit him, having his heart clench at the message.

"Jaehyun?"

It was Yuta, one of their closest friends. Jaehyun glances up with a soft smile and the older boy smiles back with his usual smile. "Hi, hyung."

"The boys want to catch a movie tonight, you up?"

"I'll think about it, hyung." Like usual.

And Yuta seems to notice. "You haven't gone out with us for a while. Hope you can come with us this time. We miss you, Jae." Jaehyun smiles at that. Maybe he will.

Yuta leaves the room soon after that, leaving Jaehyun to ponder in his own thoughts.

\--

"Glad you came, Jae."

Johnny slings an arm over his shoulders, the rest of the boys in front of them being their rowdy selves. As usual.

"I am too. I missed you guys too, you know."

"I know." Johnny grins. Jaehyun does too.

"Hyung!" Mark looks over his shoulder and escapes from Haechan's grasp, who lets out a whine. Mark runs over to Jaehyun, who leaves his arms open to welcome the younger in an embrace. "Haechan's being annoying again." says the kid, pulling away from the embrace with a pout on his lips.

"What's new?" He chuckles, ruffling the younger's hair. He's always been fond of the younger ones ever since he got to know them. And they walked into the cinema with loud voices and cheery laughter.

\--

They sat in the bar, after bringing Haechan home. Mark was supposed to be home now too, but he persisted on staying, whining and reasoning that he was old enough to drink so they let him stay. Ten joked that Mark was probably gonna be out before midnight strikes.

"Hey Jae." Winwin sits beside him, glass in hand. Jaehyun watches him as he sits and places the glass on the table with a clink.

"Sicheng, hi."

Winwin cocks an eyebrow upon hearing his real name, Jaehyun just smiling. Winwin gets comfortable beside him, eyes roaming around, scanning the sea of body moving to the beat of the music.

"Where's Yuta?" Jaehyun asks, taking his own glass hand and swirling the contents around. Winwin replies with a shrug. "Probably out there with Ten hyung or Taeil hyung."

Jaehyun hums. The two of them sits in a comfortable silence until Doyoung approaches them and asks them to dance. Jaehyun rejects the offer and waves the two of them off.

Alone.

He goes over to Johnny, telling the older man that he'll be out for a walk instead. Johnny nods, letting him go but not without asking if he's okay. Jaehyun smiles and gives him a small nod before heading for the exit.

The wind was cold, Jaehyun instinctively hugging his jacket closer to his body. He just stood there for a moment, staring at the asphalt beneath his feet. And then he starts moving.

He doesn't particularly know where he's headed, but he's got an idea. It's their happy place, a place of peace and small talk and comfortable silences.

He kicks a pebble on his way there, and it ended up right near the entrance to the park. The place never really changes, maybe except for the appearances of the trees. But right now, it looked eerily similar to when he last stepped foot in this place. Cherry blossoms. A few flowers were falling his way, as if to welcome him back. He would remember, as he stood there exactly in the same place at the middle of the entryway of the park, how Taeyong would stare up in awe, with his mouth open before looking back at Jaehyun with his wide eyes.

Ah, sweet, sweet Lee Taeyong.

Jaehyun wonders where he is now. Is he happy, in peace? Smiling? Laughing?

There was no longer a way of knowing.

And there, Jaehyun remembers just how alone he is.

\--

_"Jaehyunnie?"_

_Jaehyun looked at the elder with a small smile on his face. "Yes, hyung?"_

_The older boy giggles, rolling in the bed to get closer to Jaehyun and cuddle. Taeyong buries his face on Jaehyun's chest, breathing in and exhaling. Then he looks up to meet Jaehyun's eyes again._

_"Your birthday is near right?" Jaehyun thinks for a while before nodding. Taeyong grins._

_"I have something for you that day, so anticipate it alright?" And Taeyong seals the promise for Jaehyun with a light peck on his lips._

\--

Black.

That's all Jaehyun can see.

Anywhere he looked, black. Black, on black, on black. With an occasional hint of white underneath it all.

He refused to see it but he too, was wearing black.

He could feel Johnny holding his shoulder firmly, as if to steady Jaehyun. _Why?_

Jaehyun gets pulled to a group of people. Their friends. But something's missing. Something's missing and Jaehyun can't seem to put his finger on it. He looked up a slight bit to meet everyone's gazes and it's all so sad, and worried, and some of them had tears in their eyes, waiting to fall. _What made them so sad?_

"Jaehyun." Yuta's voice snaps Jaehyun out of his thoughts. Have they been talking all this while? Jaehyun doesn't really know but the missing thing is still bothering him. "Jaehyun, listen."

Jaehyun's trying to but he's still thinking. _What's missing? Is it that important that Jaehyun worries over it so much? What even is it?_

Yuta takes his hand and places something on his palm. It felt slightly rough, kraft paper, Jaehyun guesses. He looks down and sees that it was a notebook. Jaehyun looks up at Yuta as if to question what it was. He takes it with both hands, opening to the first page. A cherry blossom.

"He made it for you."

_Ah, that's what's missing._

Jaehyun flips to the next page. It was filled with words and a single picture. He flipped to the next. And the next. And the next. It was all similar but with different words, pictures, decorations. Jaehyun notices that there was a wet patch blooming on the paper as he reaches the last few pages that was filled. Half of the notebook was empty. save for the page at the very back.

Jaehyun cries. He bawls, he's clutching the notebook to his chest and he doesn't realize it but he falls to his knees. His friends hug him, try to hush him but it all falls on deaf ears.

Jaehyun refused to believe it all.

\--

He doesn't remember what happened that night.

It was all a blur, all he really remembered was a phone call, blaring lights, white. Sickly, sterile white.

But what he couldn't forget how crimson red clashed so awfully against Taeyong's greying face. The doctors told him they tried. They did, he guesses.

But not hard enough.

\--

They found Jaehyun standing by the entryway to the park, tears staining his cheeks. The boy seemed to be staring up the blossoms that fell that night.

"Cherry blossoms." Jaehyun says, to no one in particular. His friends stop walking at that, looking at him.

"Cherry blossoms." He repeats, before bitterly laughing.

"Jaehyun…"

Jaehyun looks at Johnny at the sound of his name. He was wearing a sad smile and their hearts broke at the sight of it. He was still bitterly laughing, but that soon fade into sobs and Johnny approaches him, hugging the younger man.

"I miss him, hyung. So _fucking_ much."

"I know, Jae. I know."

And he held him, letting the younger cry his heart out.

Because it may have been at least two years, but Jaehyun never stopped thinking about him. Not when everything remind him of Taeyong.

Cherry blossoms. It was the color of Taeyong's hair. Sometimes the color of his lips.

It could've been days, months, and years, but Jaehyun never stopped loving him. Not a single day hoping that it was a dream, that he would wake up again in his arms, smiling.

That night, as Jaehyun cried on the shoulder of his best friend, a cherry blossom landed softly on his hair. It might've been delusional, but Jaehyun wanted to believe that Taeyong was there that night, watching over him with the same sad smile.

_I'm sorry, I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> :c
> 
>  
> 
> [twt](https://www.twitter.com/nightinjae)


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